


green tea and 3 am fights (for the late night jitters)

by EternalSinnedChild



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Attempted Kidnapping, Cute, Family Bonding, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Humor, I need more funny fics in this fandom ;((, Insomnia, Kidnapping, Kinda?, Late Night Conversations, Midnight, NO PSUEDO-INCEST, No Incest, One Shot, THAT STUFF NASTY, insomniac klaus, mistaken father-son relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-18
Updated: 2019-03-18
Packaged: 2019-11-24 01:07:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18159449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EternalSinnedChild/pseuds/EternalSinnedChild
Summary: While on a midnight food/coffee run, a couple of kidnappers try to grab Five.





	green tea and 3 am fights (for the late night jitters)

**Author's Note:**

> Kinda of an AU where everything is okay and Five still has a child's body.

Klaus and Five both had hard times sleeping at night. Klaus had his insomnia and Five had a VERY messed up sleep schedule after 40 years without proper sleep. Every now and then the two would see each other in the kitchen well past midnight and decide to head out. They’d snag Diego's car keys and Five would drive them to an all-night café on the other side of town that served the crappiest pastries, and the nastiest coffee. Both really didn’t care much about the food and drinks they had, but they cared about the long silent ride there and slowly eating while watching late night news. Those actions calmed the two.  
  
Today was one of those nights when Klaus felt too fidgety to stay asleep, so he slipped into Diego’s room, grabbing the keys. He clambering down the stairs to the kitchen where he saw Five climbing the counter to grab a mug from one of the cabinet shelves.  
  
“Five?”  
  
The boy (?) jolted in surprise and turned to face him hissing, “Don’t be so loud! You scared me!”  
  
Klaus shrugged, “sorry little bro.”  
  
“Don’t call me that either.” Five glared.  
  
“You looking for coffee or something?”  
  
“Ya, what else would I be looking for in the kitchen?”  
  
“Well, I think we both know you finished all the coffee yesterday morning, so how about we head out,” Klaus said with a grin pulling out the car keys from his pajama pant pocket.  
  
“Fine, let’s go.”  
  
Klaus tossed him the keys and Five hopped off the counter, heading towards the front door. Klaus lazily walked behind him, hands stuck in his pockets. He locked the door and the entrance gate before getting into the car.  
  
Five rolled down the windows as the cool wind, letting the cool wind come in. Klaus stuck his head out, setting his chin on the ledge. He put his hand outside the window as well, letting the wind freeze his face and arm. The two didn’t say much and let the sounds of the car and the wind outside fill the silence.  
  
Five parked the car in the dingy parking lot next to the only lit building on the street. It was surprising how dead the city was despite it being, you know, a city. When they entered, Klaus waved a quick hello to the obviously exhausted college student. He sat down at a table near the back while Five ordered at the counter. He soon came with a cup of coffee, tea, and 2 croissants.  
  
They ate and drank in silence, looking up at the news. The station was playing reruns of yesterday’s announcements; most of it being pretty boring. Then they saw a police announcement about a case.  
  
“Two male suspects have been identified as serial kidnappers in the Rylen Mckinley case. Please be cautious if spotted, these men are armed and dangerous. Parent and guardians should keep an eye on their children at all times. If you have any information about these two men, please call the hotline.....” the man said listing more information while two police sketches where shown next to him.  
  
“Hopefully they catch the bastard,” Klaus said with a mouthful croissant.  
  
“Hmm.” Five agreed.  
  
“I heard they kidnap 12-year-old boys, you should watch out Five~” Klaus teased.  
  
Five snorted, “Like I can’t take on two grown men.”  
  
Klaus watched as Five finished his croissant and then downed the whole large cup of black coffee, he would comment on how bad it would be for him, but who was he to judge.  
  
“Alright, I’m done. Let’s go back home.” He muttered.  
  
Klaus saw his brother’s eyes slowly close. He was getting tired.  
  
“Alrighty brother dearest~ I’m almost done too, so let’s go!”  
  
The two exited the store, and Klaus stopped in his tracks, “One sec! Need to piss.”  
  
Klaus ran back in, and Five chose to wait in the cold. Coffee really must have finally lost its effect on Five because within a minute, his eyes were drooping shut. Suddenly a plastic bag was pulled over his head.  
  
Five’s eyes shot right open and he started struggling against his attacker. He pushed his attacker away into Diego’s car and grabbed the bag over his head.  
  
“WHAT THE ACTUAL F-“ Five gasped out.  
  
He looked up to see two men and a woman in full black outfits. He recognized the men from the report he saw just minutes earlier.  
  
One of the men ran to Five in an attempt to grab him, but Five teleported behind the man and kicked him in the back of the knees. He fell into the car and slide to the ground in a thud.

“ _Hopefully that didn’t leave a mark_ .” Five thought to himself as he attacked the other kidnappers.

  
  
.....

 

  
Klaus came out of the bathroom wiping his wet hands on his pants. He walked towards the front door and saw Five in a fight with the 2 kidnappers from tv and a lady.  
  
“Huh,” Klaus muttered before going back to the counter.  
  
“Hey mister,” he called out to the worker in the office behind the counter, “can I order a small green tea.”  
  
“Sure.” The worker yawned as he came out of the office.  
  
He saw the fighting outside and jolted, “Holy shit, should we be doing something? Your kid is fighting a bunch of people outside!”  
  
“He’ll be fine.”Klaus gave a wide grin,“ Just call the police and tell them that the pair of kidnappers is actually a trio, and they might need medical attention” and waved him off.  
  
The worker went to grab his phone. “First tea please!” And the worker gave a confused glance, “Please?” He put his phone back.  
  
By the time the green tea was done, the kidnappers were on the ground, near death, and Five was standing above the pile of bodies looking at the smashed in backlight and dented car. 

‘ _Well, that very much left a mark_ ’ Five thought.  
  
Klaus came out with a warm styrofoam cup of green tea and put a hand on Five’s shoulder. Klaus spotted the damage done to the car.

“Diego won’t know who did it if we don’t tell him~”

Five rolled his eyes, “I won’t tell if you won't.” 

“I won’t~”

“By the way, what took you so long?”  He asked as Klaus led him back to the car.  
  
“Saw you were having some fun, so I let you be. Anyways, you looked pretty cute fighting those badies little bro!”  
  
Five just sighed.  
  
He pushed Five to the passenger's side and took the driver’s side of himself. When in the car, Klaus could see his brother shaking with the adrenaline, and eyes nowhere near tired. Klaus handed the green tea over.  
  
“Heard it calms the nerves.”  
  
Five side glanced Klaus but took the cup.  
  
Klaus pulled the car in reverse, pulled out of the parking lot, and drove them back home. Five fell asleep on the ride back.  
  
‘ _He’s way cuter sleeping that kicking ass._ ’ Klaus thought.

  
  
......

 

  
  
A couple of hours later, the sun rose and the Hargreeve family was in the kitchen. Luther was eating the eggs Grace made, while Vanyia sat at a chair eating some cereal. Five was seated near Vaniya, reading the morning paper. Klaus sat on the counter, talking animatedly to the air.  Diego was complaining very loudly to Allison about how his car mysteriously got damaged. The ranting only stopped when Diego’s phone rung and he walked to the next room over to answer the call. He came back a few minutes later, looking at Klaus and Five.  
  
“I got a call from Patch about a little boy in a uniform who took down 3 grown adults, a father who did nothing to stop him, and a car which suspiciously looks like mine was identified.”  
  
Klaus stopped talking to Ben and turned to Five, “awww they think you’re my kid!”  
  
Five groaned, putting his paper down, “Not again...”  
  
“Not again?” Vanya asked from the other side of the table.  
  
“Yes again!” Klaus snickered swinging his legs from off the counter.  
  
“I think we should talk about how you probably shouldn’t be attacking three people in the middle of the night...” Luther started.  
  
“They tried to kidnap me, I think I was justified!”  
  
“Ya, but the police doesn’t know that. Also, you two are the ones who took my car and got it damaged??”  
  
“Oops, would you look at that, I have a date with math and Dolores.” Five stood up from his chair and teleported out of the room.  
  
“Hey!” Klaus yelled out, “Don’t leave me!”

“Why shouldn’t I! You broke our promise!” He heard Five yell from the top of the steps.

Diego was seething with anger, "Klaus..... Five...."

Klaus took that as his signal to run.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I make mistakes allllll the time in my writing, so uh comment if you see anything i need to fix uwu


End file.
